I'm speaking my mind tonight

Today marks the day of the absolute truth. The day when your past conjecture come true. The day when you realize that trying to avoid the inevitable is actually just delaying it. The day when you acknowledge that you should have never followed your worldly desires and adornments. Acknowledgment 

They were never as honest as you are & were, and always will be. Here's the thing: you ought not to change tracks. You ought to choose carefully to whom you might show it.

    Truth is I have an obsessive persona. I get attached very easily and I don't let go. That's major part of why maturity has been so hard on me lately. I intentionally am trying to somehow distance myself, from almost everyone, to avoid attachment . I am glad I could put this in words, because defining a feeling is half way through getting over it. And I have never been that clear with myself before.

H ave you ever been stuck? In whatever! Literally stuck that you could not get yourself in or out. I previously, several times, mentioned "a certain feeling" that I thought, back then, was the worst feeling ever. Physical incapability, one sided love, losing a loved one, being stressed and overwhelmed all the time, rejection and feeling unwanted.   Have you ever experienced a bizarre composite feeling that is the product of a combination of the aforementioned " blues "? Tonight I am stuck in that. No one in the crowd notices and I don't know when I am coming out. Shall I try over and over again despite all the failures? Will Allah answer my Duaa' this time soon enough? Could my stubborn unyielding standards cut me loose? Too many responsibilities, too much pressure, and I do not know a way out.

  Be present. Be alive. Just be there. Observe, feel, see, and live. Life is on the ground, not on the internet. I spent a huge part of my life being the doer. The active participant in the group. I didn't allow myself to have the chance to  learn by listening & observing. I didn't genuinely listen to what people had to say; what was always there but invisible to me. And that finally is over. Has been over for months now, to me, but only came clear to my mind now. And here I am writing about it. 'The very first step to solving a problem is to identify its existence.' Precise enough. Take care of your soul. Souls are precious. They are very delicate & sensitive creatures. You have to be careful with every act that affects them.  I recently developed a new hobby which is actively observing and listening to souls. Yes, they talk. Their language is in our everyday lives! Everything you see in the street, on the internet, at home, at college, at work. All that. It...

  Under the moonlight, on the 14th, lunar calendar, every tiny thing felt just more aesthetic.

  They categorized us based on an outward superficial thing they know about us. That thing is wavy, ghostly, deceptive, and alluring. They won't hear us out no matter how constantly we tried to change that perspective they formed about us.  I guess that happens, sometimes as in my case right now, not because they truly believe we won't change, but because they don't want to. They don't want to believe that we could actually change, because that will face them with the unknown.  They will be telling themselves: "what if I gave them another chance and actually heard them out, and still they didn't make that change?" That would be too frustrating. Yet the question remains: Would you still give them another chance and make yourself susceptible to frustration or more? I personally would.